A doppelgänger is a biologically unrelated look-alike, or a double, of a living person. In fiction and mythology, a doppelgänger is often portrayed as a ghostly or paranormal phenomenon and usually seen as a harbinger of bad luck. Tradition equates a doppelgänger with an evil twin.

Your doppelgänger. You hate him. He’s everything you despise about yourself. He’s fat, silly, lazy, foolish and wildly out of shape.

He couldn’t get laid in a women’s prison with a fist full of pardons.

Yet he lives within you. He is you. He’s the reason you suck your ponderous gut in every time some babe walks by. Any babe.

Then he helps you do that “sour grapes” thing so you won’t have to get depressed and go suck on a gun barrel.

Like a good friend he orders you another cheeseburger so the saturated fat can course through your veins and dull your senses. Again.

He’s there in the mirror to remind you that maybe you’re not all that you could be. He even helps you look for your quickly disappearing manhood in the morning.

He tells you that having bigger boobs than your girlfriend is starting to become a trend. He’s not lying, either.

Yes, we all have our doppelgängers. The side of us that is a constant reminder that somehow we are inferior. That we’re not putting the work in. That we’re not being true to ourselves.

But doppelgängers go away when we lace up our running shoes, or grab a metal bar, or feed ourselves correctly.

Life is hard hard enough without feeling unhealthy and inferior about ourselves. Very hard.

My doppelgänger just up and vanished one day, and you know, I forgot to tell the police he went missing.  🙂