After you finally retire, get ready to meet all your new friends.

Unfortunately, they’re all wearing lab coats and scrubs.

They’ve been waiting for you…with a blood pressure cuff, a hospital gown and a warm rectal thermometer.

Oh, you’ll never be lonely again.

You’ll have all the friends your insurance plan can buy.

They’ve been waiting for you. They know the drill.

And you will welcome them with open wallet, because all the years of not taking care of yourself has taken its toll.

You used to be a football star in college, but now you can’t fart without throwing your back out.

Everything hurts.

And you have all day, every day, to dwell on your achy breaky conditions.

And that’s not all, CVS, Walgreens and Rite-Aid are lining up for a payday for your new collection of orange bottles.

And think of how well read you’ll be as you comb through all those old Reader’s Digests and National Geographic magazines.

For hours.

You get what I’m saying?

Good.