“Honestly, with all due respect!”

Honesty. What a bullshit term. “With all due respect” (another loaded term that translates into “here it comes,”) to Billy Joel,  I know people who pride themselves on their honesty and candor while they use it as an excuse to bludgeon everyone around them. “Well, I’m just being honest.” Truth be told, if I was totally honest with myself every morning I wouldn’t be here right now.

Your inner bullshit is what keeps you breathing. You can call it optimism or any other fluffy, pie in the sky terms you like, but without that bullshit narrative going on in your head you would most likely dissolve back into your sneakers. Let’s call it what it is, programming. Yes, along with “You Are What You Eat,” you are exactly what you think and tell yourself.

When I look in the mirror I can absolutely trace my lineage back to my grandfather’s grandfather’ time. If I can’t see that gaping blowhole in the back of my head that hasn’t seen or felt hair in decades, it doesn’t exist. If I tell myself that 220 lbs is the correct weight for my height and age, then goddamit, that’s what it is. I run on those fumes and continue to get great mileage.

When someone says to me, “Can I be honest with you?” or “In all honesty,” that conversation is over. My butt muscles tighten and I start thinking of something funny that happened to me when I was kid. You are some faint echo drowning in my earwax. You think I’m going to let you stomp all around in my fantasy garden and destroy my beautiful plants? Here, get a whiff of this!

So let’s be honest about about honesty.  You are who you think you are. End of story. You write your book and I’ll write mine. Cross referencing is not allowed.

Make up your own honesty!