I know I’m probably dating myself but this is what I conjure up when I hear the term “side hustle.” And as someone who used to make sales calls on horseback and spent years in the trenches, I have a feeling most of your clients would be offended if they heard you refer to them as just that.

I would.

YouTube is crawling with screaming pubescents who can show me how to be successful in all areas of my life. Some of them should get a lollipop for their efforts. One kid even called me a loser for not responding to his offer. Psychotic.

It’s like they don’t want to paint the fence but they can show you how to paint it. For money. Anyone remember Tom Sawyer? These kids haven’t even seen a fucking fence.

The raving bullshit artists online must be drinking their own Kool-Aid to think anyone but a crack addict is going to sign up for these MLM, Ponzi switcheroos.

You make sales sound like a video game. You’re not supposed to the winner here.

I see this one precocious little teenager spouting off advice about things that you know she has never experienced. Her eyes roll back in her head as she listens to her own voice.

She’s barely out of grade school and she wants to manage me? Another one who has never touched a paint bucket.

If I was a client of yours and you referred to me as your side hustle, you would get hustled….outside. Quickly.

Don’t get too full of yourself youngsters. A pat on the back is a good thing, as long as it’s low enough and hard enough.

You’ll shed a lot of tears in a lot of parking lots as the business world has its way with you.

Everyone’s doing the Hustle. Van McCoy would be proud.

( I have Dale Carnegie on line two.)