“How do you get to be that person? How do you get to be the person who is indifferent to what everyone around you is saying? You get to be that person if you have been through the absolute worst the world has to throw at you and coming out all right.” – Malcolm Gladwell.
This is my sister Anne. We haven’t spoken for years. My family suffers from Irish Alzheimer’s, you forget everything but the grudge. What she’s been through in her life would be worthy of a novel. She’s so much like my mother.
In my life, I am often accused of playing the geezer card. What I thought was cynicism, pessimism and negativity is really an indifference to what I see going on around me. I take nothing at face value anymore. I poke holes in everything. I seek my own counsel. If I don’t want to think about something, I don’t. What used to spark outrage hardly seems worth the effort. I am often more curious and amused if anything at this stage of my game. More importantly, I find myself waiting a beat or two before responding… to anything.
So as you can imagine, I am relieved to know that I am not depressed or suicidal. I am just indifferent. What’s the use of living a long life if you can’t call on your accumulated knowledge, wisdom and experience to keep you sane? Why go through the same bullshit song and dance over and over again? There’s no time.
I used to avoid the news out of fear I would succumb to the notion that the world will blow up at any minute, and it can. Now I have become an observer. I can handle it. I am wide awake. I am conscious. I am present. I am living.
If you want anything from me, you have to make me care. If I want something from you, I have to make you care. Simple.
I heard once that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s apathy. But who gives a shit?