Here, suck on this for a while.

I think I missed the class in video production school where they told us a gig would be like herding gerbils and that the editing phase would be 80% of your entire life. Falling asleep in the dark and talking to dead relatives and your ass sound asleep. A lot of these companies think these projects are like sending out for pizza, with everyone arguing over which toppings they prefer.

Then the late night calls (at the last, urgent, Holy Shit, my boss hates it, moment) playing the “telephone game” with e-mails of stills you’ve never seen before and a request to go back into the archives and see if a certain shot will fit. After an extensive forensic search, you realize it doesn’t. Oh no! This has to be on the big screen first thing in the morning.

When will Adderall be available over the counter? If I hit the coffee pot at this time of night, at my age, I’ll drown in my own urine.

The three phases I’m familiar with is, they give up, they settle for what they have so far because of time restraints, or they’re thrilled. If the the last part occurs, it’s usually as the sun is coming up. By now I’m thinking I’m gonna bill these fuckers into the ionosphere. That also means the phone will stop ringing and Lenny with the iPhone will get the nod. What hurts, is probably no one will notice the difference.

Can’t have that. Need to move quickly before the Governor bans or limits all opioids in the state. Don’t forget the Adderall, I have a special fund set up for that. Just in case Nobamacare and the FDA take their eye of the ball.

When it comes to video editing decisions I have a hard and fast rule: “I’m always right and you are smoking crack.” Is that not customer centric? I am also having a laminated video terms card sent out so we aren’t trying to rebuild the Tower of Babel. Babble?

So give me a call. We’ll laugh, we’ll cry. They’ll be wailing and gnashing of teeth, you’ll find blood in your stool. Your dogs won’t come near you, your spouse will leave for the weekend and you will sob until your sinuses clear up.

Really, what the hell are you waiting for? Chicken?