Want to blog but don’t know where to start? Well, I think I can help you out. If you want to communicate to the world your honest thoughts and vision, you need to be in the right frame of mind. I can’t express this more fervently. First, you need to have a bug up your ass that is tormenting you. The whimpering, teeth grinding, headache inducing, neck stiffening condition we all dread. Yeah, that’s the stuff I’m talking about. If you don’t have any of those symptoms, go play golf.

First, you need an issue. Be sure to immerse yourself in it just before bed so that it will interfere with your sleep. Find an uncomfortable bed in a noisy part of the house, put some peppercorns in your underwear and if you have street noise all the better. If possible, as a bonus, try to start an argument with your spouse right before retiring. Then, set the alarm for an ungodly hour. You have just set yourself up for a miserable night’s sleep with so little REM you will rise in such a foul state the dog won’t come near you.

Now, you’re almost there. When you do drag your miserable ass to the kitchen at 3:00 am, don’t make your coffee the way you always do, use you’re spouse’s creamer and skip the sugar. Nasty!

Now sit your ass down in front of the computer and let the venom pour out of your fingertips. Don’t hold back. Use subtle descriptions but not names of the people you’re pissed at so that they get it but no one else does. Rip into everything that is on your wrinkled, sleep deprived, sick mind. Yeah, like having a baby. Push! Push! Don’t re-read any of it, you’ll kill the essence. Keep going until you feel sleep start to overtake you. Yes! Oh, the joy!

Now, here’s the important part. What you have just created will probably lose you a bunch of friends and kill any possibility of a legit job in the corporate world. You need to know that up front..and relish it. Leave any typos, misspellings and grammatical errors in place. Before common sense kicks in, take your sweaty, shaky fingers,  grab the mouse and hit the publish key. Quickly change your blog password to something you know you won’t remember later and go out for pancakes.

By now you probably have a migraine, loose stools and a severe case of blogger’s remorse, but you have accomplished what very few bloggers on this planet will ever achieve, you have become… interesting.