Need to divorce someone without telling them?

Here’s how ya do it. You two separate but you’re on friendly terms. After 15 years of marriage, why not? You two never had a scuffle. Ever. You guys didn’t even touch for the last five years. He generously gives you a lump sum from the home you just sold. You both agree to work out the big chunk of debt later. Isn’t that nice?

After a few months, he starts asking you for some money. To you, this is not a good idea. It has to stop. So, to get him going, you go into the bank account you still have access to to and give him a little reach-around. You charge up a couple of hundred bucks and make yourself scarce.

He takes the bait. Cause he’s broke. He drives up to your house to discuss it with you and you’re not home.

He leaves a copy of his pilfered bank statement in your mail box and leaves. Bang! Right into the trap. If that isn’t grounds for a restraining order nothing is, by golly!

The next morning, the cops are laying for him. They slap paper on him at the station and tell him to shallow breath until court. He can’t physically close his mouth he is so shocked.

They tell him that if he should even bump into her at the supermarket, he’s gone. Brrrr.

In frustration, he leaves for Arizona to find work and get back on his feet. In a few months, on his October birthday, he gets a “Happy Birthday” from you-know-who. He knows he’s still being restrained so he doesn’t bite. (She knew how to reach him)

A year later, our guy is out running early one morning when “guess who?” give him a tickle. She makes some demands that he finds humorous and continues his run. Funny, she knew exactly where he was, didn’t she?

(This is important, so pay attention.)

What our chump doesn’t realize is that “Queenie” has been moving around in the shadows. She files for divorce saying she can’t find the hapless deadbeat. (Google?) He, the bigmouth of social media.

So she changes his address to “parts unknown” to expedite the proceedings.

The judge says, “If we can’t find the guy, let’s just decide in her favor. Bring the truck around, honey.”

He never gets served. He has no idea. She turned him into Jimmy Hoffa.

She tells the judge she can’t find her soon to-be- ex, “so let’s get this party started.” Whomp! Whomp! They close his bank accounts, they shuffle the debt towards him, she keeps his belongings and they slap ANOTHER restraining order on him for good luck.

And there you have it. D-I-V-O-R-C-E. All because she doesn’t know where to find him. Or does she? Hmmmm.

If she actually knew where he was all this time, and told a big fib, that wouldn’t be good.  Would it?

Oh look, she even added his full address to the bottom of her text message.

Oh, that’s not good.  🙂