I never get sick. Running in the rain in 36 degrees in just a t-shirt won’t take me down but a well placed threat from the IRS is a potent stool softener.

The missile landed on Friday in the form of a certified letter. By Monday, I was down for the count. Sore throat, congestion, and a wobbly disposition.

It took the IRS to take me down. My overactive imagination had me doing a tour of Leavenworth and washing my celly’s underwear in the sink. (Don’t go there.)

The ball was in my court. It was up to me to call them and plead my case. They were going to place a lien on me after they doubled what I owed.

After two telephone attempts where I was told at the outset that today would not be my day, the queues were too long, I fell back into bed. On the third day I was told I was eligible to wait.

Nothing, not even the end stage malaria I thought I was experiencing by then, would shake me off that phone.

After two hours and change, a Mr. McMillan engaged. When I mentioned the two hours, he assured me that was nothing. It was my lucky day. And it was too.

What are the odds of getting the opportunity to plead your case to a fellow war veteran who also had a spouse divorce him without his knowledge and shut down both of his bank accounts? I shit you not.

I’m thinking the calls can’t be recorded because the conversation we had sounded like two brothers re-discovering each other after many years.

This isn’t to say I got any inappropriately special treatment, it means I got an empathetic ear and didn’t have to re-invent the wheel.

I thought I was screwed, I wasn’t. We were married and filing jointly and she signed on the dotted line. Too bad. For her.

I thought she could take all that money from me, money I gave her in good faith as an honorable end to a long productive partnership, and leave me financially naked and wreck my credit score for eternity.

She can’t. She’s going to have to pony up.

My symptoms started clearing up before I got off the phone.

It’s a Pyrrhic Victory for me though, all the other other debt she left me with has done me irreparable harm.

And the pain of knowing that someone you spent so much time with could be so evil.

When my business started fading, so did she.

It was sad for a moment to think that the very country I risked my life for would have to come after me like I was a common criminal.

I’m grateful now, that’s not the case.