I’m still having conversations with young ladies who think all they need to attract a man these days is to show up with nice nails, the latest fashions and plenty of makeup.

Meanwhile, they are getting out of breath extracting their M&M’s out of the machine and slurping their Big Gulps with their meaty little manicured hands.

The only proportionate females I see on a daily basis are about twelve to fourteen years old. This is what you call an epidemic.

One of my complainants is 23 years old, is at least 250 pounds, she’s covered with tattoos, eats and speaks like a truck driver and if she doesn’t get control of herself, her designer jeans could detonate at a public gathering.

I heard her say, “I ain’t even had my babies yet.” Yikes! Who would know?

Ladies, before a man will get to experience your “outsized” personality, he will have to get past your “outsized” presence. You shouldn’t be bigger than your man. You can be taller, but not wider.

Men are animals. We don’t care about your brains or your personality, at least, initially.

When you first come into our line of fire, we are looking at three things and not one of those is located behind your temporal lobe.

That’s the sad truth. But it’s also nature.

Don’t be delusional, dump the trick mirror and start getting sweaty if you don’t want to get knocked up by some gamer who lives with his mother.

Instead of going to the nail salon for a pedicure, go to the gym, start pushing away from the table and read the goddam labels.

You’re not “big boned”, “more to love” or “chunky”. You are so not healthy, and you, as well as the entire healthcare system, will pay dearly in the future.

Hope that helps.

P.S. Please post all death threats to my LinkedIn account as I need the traffic.

Thank you.

Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

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