CVS, Comedy Versus Sanity

The VA was supposed to ship me a prescription for the plantar fasciitis I got from running too much.
They dropped the ball and offered to have it filled at a local CVS in a few hours. I agreed.
That was my first mistake.
As soon as I got in the CVS building I got a bad feeling.
For the record, I am never wrong.
There were at least ten people behind the counter bumping into each other.
It looked like a Fellini movie. I never saw such human wreckage.
They looked sloppy and unprofessional and were all grousing about how busy they were.
The kid at the counter lost me at “Yuh, need something?”
I told him I was there to pick up my prescription.
After he asked me last name, first name date of birth…twice, he looked at his computer and said, “Sorry, there is no order, call your doctor.”
I tell him the nurse at the VA said she called it in two hours ago. He ain’t budging.
I’m getting flustered so he directs me over to the consultation window.
There, I am greeted by what can only be described as a lab experiment gone wrong.
She is pierced to the gills and has half the side of her head shaved. She is pale as milk, which makes her look like she just had a lobotomy.
Where of course, she had her manners removed.
Before I can speak, she holds her finger up to signal me to be quiet.
She knows what’s going on because it got loud at the pickup counter.
Just to placate me, I get an additional request for last name, first name, date of birth. Twice? Really?
She looks at her computer and repeats what the other dipshit said, only louder, which would only serve to put me in my place in front of the other customers.
“Mr O’Hearn there is no record of your order so please go home and call your doctor.”
Go home?
As soon as she yelled my name, the pharmacist yells, “O’Hearn? I’m working on it.”
Now my two goal tenders have egg on their face and I express my indignity.
They have a quick defensive huddle while giving me the evil eye, and tell me it will be at least an hour before it’s ready.
They are messing with me and they don’t care what I think.
They have me by the short hairs and all I can do is go home for awhile, because if I stay there, I’m going to jail.
On the bike ride home I remember I used to work for CVS at their customer service facility on the other end of town.
How could I forget that? Easy. Very easy.
So I go in my closet and find my old CVS Headquarters name badge. I wait the hour and head back.
When I finally have my goods, I hold my badge up to let them know I am legit, and I tell them I am going to report them when I get into work today.
They weren’t ready for that. Fuckers.
They looked like they saw a ghost.
I want names and I want numbers.
I asked for the name of the pharmacist in charge and the location number so I sounded legit.
I held my interrogation in front of a very amused group of abused customers.
Oh, and I was sure to demand, “Last name, first name and date of birth….twice. 🙂

Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

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