Working Out Is Sexual

My ex-boss in Tahiti.

There, I just increased my readership by 31% using that title. It is true though, that when your body is functioning on all cylinders and responds to resistance and cardiovascular training, plus proper care and feeding, you are pumped in more ways than one.

When all yo shit be woiken’ propah, you be styling’.

If you are out of shape physically, if you have a big front porch, a big back porch, or just busting out your building code, you need to be working on it.

When all your muscles are doing what they were made to do, that is, struggling and resisting, not being horizontal on the beach with an umbrella drink, all is well with the world. And when all is well with the world, your wife’s headache goes away.

Arnold admitted in “Pumping Iron” that by having so much muscle, and being so aware of his body, he felt like he was having an orgasm all day. I’m sure he threw in a few hundred dick-ups for good measure. His housekeeper will attest to his virility.

I had a boss back in the day that was 15 years younger than me (that put him at about 40,) who asked me to procure him some Viagra because he wanted to take his wife to Tahiti and he wanted to be up to the challenge.

This stuff was bursting out of the sample closets in all the hospitals and clinics all over my territory, so it was an easy score. But 40? He should have been at his peak instead of standing in a gazebo smoking cigarettes and getting a ride to the cafeteria.

Oh yeah, I made sure I made the Viagra drop during my annual performance review. Got me? Anyway, I had some left over and stashed it under the sink. Never thought to use it.

Then one Sunday night, me and a girlfriend decided to drop some for the first time. 60 Minutes came on and I decided to tape it because I figured we wouldn’t be able to last through the whole program, not knowing what to expect. By ten o’clock, nothing, eleven o’clock, nothing, so we just retired for the evening a bit disappointed.

It was when I got up to use the bathroom at midnight that I knocked that thirty pound lamp off the night stand. Whoa! All of a sudden I’m jousting in the dark with Excalibur and trying not to break a window.

From that moment, sleeping on my stomach was not an option.

I had no feeling. No arousal. No amour, just….thing. Not the sexual healing I had expected.

But of course, I digress. Here’s the point: No matter how old you are, when you get positive feedback from that mirror, (not the scale ) everything changes. Without Viagra. After all, we’re talking blood flow here, right?

You feel like dressing up, buying new clothes, going out, brushing up against people, meeting new faces and yes, even fooling around. Your self confidence gets a boost, people look at you differently and your game face changes. A very sexy feeling. No?

No question, working out is the drug of choice. I hear about this kind of transformation all the time from folks I work with at the gym.

You have to lose it in order to use it. That positive feedback from your mirror will transform you. Like a drug. Like kick starting your lawnmower, you just have to rev her up.

As for my boss  in Tahiti? The Viagra made him 6 inches taller and I got a great review.

Thank you for asking

Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

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