In the morning, I would much rather sit straight up in the bed hyperventilating, than yawn, pull the covers over my head and lay back down again.
As I reflect back on my 30 plus year career in the corporate bubble, I get a very different perspective in my rear view mirror. As an outsider now, I wonder how I pulled it off. I wonder what I did to keep my sanity while juggling perceptions in an environment that made me feel so incompetent and phony. I was never who they thought I was. I wasn’t even who I thought I was.
After coming in-house, being assigned an office and finding the coffee machine, I spent the next two months walking around the building meeting people and trying to talk up e-strategy, video production and just what the hell I was doing there in the first place. Most of what I got was “watch yourself” or watch out for this one or that one.
I had to play each manager I was dealt, regardless of their quirks or sensitivities. Sometimes they were legion. I had to sit across the table and be judged by someone who pieced together my performance from a spreadsheet and 360 degree gossip from co-workers. Smoke and mirrors to be sure. I grew more anxious and self conscious as the months and years passed.
As I age, I have definitely lost my tolerance for all the bullshit and bad manners in the business world. Used to be, when someone would run me over, I had to take it. Not anymore. When dealing with larger corporate clients you are victim to the vagaries and whims of a one eyed entity where it’s impossible to discern who the final decision maker is, who is grinding you down and who passes off responsibility of any final decision to “them.”
While most are too busy being fabulous, they don’t have a handle on their own big picture. Thankfully, we have turned into a disruptive, vocal, on line community where spleens can be vented and voices can be heard. If I have to suffer at the hands of a pack of morons, I can shout it from the mountain top if for nothing but my own self satisfaction.
This cathartic approach will hopefully keep me from entering a disease state due to overly compulsive thinking and the associated hand wringing that plagues most of the world. I can scream and be heard to lessen my misery when I feel I have been wronged, screwed, ignored, or worse. Beats the shit out of transcendental meditation.
Yeah, I’ve grown to really dislike these institutions that are so mired in their own self delusion and confusion they can’t help themselves. Who hire fluff monkeys to perpetuate a phony presence on social media to give off a positive impression to attract low paid newbies while worried sick over employee retention.
To work with some of them feels like walking a drunken friend home. They wobble and careen out into traffic blissfully unaware of the dangers of the false promises they have to dole out to their captive audience.
I recently wrote about an unpleasant experience I had with a large company who tried to make me feel my insignificance in a big way and showed theirs at the same time. As I’m fond of saying, I’d rather be pissed off than pissed on.
When I start feeling the futility of tilting at windmills, I would have to say yes, sometimes my worst self is my best self.
If you have any questions or need advice, please feel free to reach out to me here.