Hi, I got your e-mail today with that exclusive, one time, finally revealed, hidden trove of incredible, life saving, millionaire making, secret formulas to success and happiness.

I am thrilled and honored that you have chosen me to impart all that wonderful knowledge.

But unfortunately, I am in the middle of attracting chicks, becoming happier, thinner, more popular, making my penis larger, my ass smaller, my income double, giving my inner child the ass whooping it so richly deserves and oh yeah, coming out of the closet. The NFL awaits.

I have sent all my money to a pastor in Oklahoma and he assures me that as soon as the check clears, I will be saved. (Approximately Monday 2:00pm EST, hopefully, just in time for your webinar.)

Everyone has just been so helpful. My life has changed in so many ways. I haven’t even thought of suicide in at least the last ten minutes.

P.S. You’re sure I can write all this stuff off?

My best,

Self-Helplessly Hoping