If you write it, I won’t fight it. That’s a problem.


I’ve been seeing the same doc for 13 years, ever since I got transferred back to Boston. I came clean immediately on my history of drug and alcohol abuse. Her eyes were like pie tins as I revealed my penchant for altering my consciousness and the substances I would ingest on a daily basis.

Having been sober for 25 years at that point, my main objective was to get her to write me for sleep medication. Sleep was never a problem for me until I got sober. Even that was something my dark side demanded as payment for cleaning up. Being a musician, I developed tinnitus and thought I would never sleep again. The audiologist gave me a week’s worth of Ambien and said “I’m sorry, there’s no cure.” The hook was set.

Being a medical rep gave me access to what I needed to help me sleep for years until I reached here. New state, new doc, new game. Treating every doctor’s visit like a job interview. If I say this.. no, maybe if I say it like that.. maybe..

This all goes on in the waiting room and drives my blood pressure way up. Worse if they’re running behind. By the time she walks in with my chart I’m in an extremely agitated state.

“You seem very anxious to me and your BP is up. Is everything OK?

Enter Mr. Dark Side.

During my song and dance about business pressure, airline hassles and dealing with nutty clients she is writing me for sleep, anxiety and blood pressure medication with a statin thrown in for good measure
I’m feeling like I just hit the lottery. She’s feeling like this is just temporary. There’s a disconnect, but oh well, I’m good for now.

She’s no dope though, (pun intended) she has my history in front of her and launches into her required CYA on anti-anxiety meds and their dangers. “You need to be very careful with this. It is very powerful and addictive.” Yeah, yeah, just gimme the scrip already.

That was seven years and many confrontations ago. Since then, I have heard many horrifying stories from docs, reps, friends and relatives peppered with “dangerous” and “nasty.” You don’t want to leave home without it, trust me.

I blame no one but myself. But I have never left her office without at least an offer to try something new or a concern over a letter from Care Mark and she needs to “adjust me.” You are getting older, you know. (Stuck in the middle with me again)

I have kicked everything except smack (thankfully, never tried it) on my own and don’t respond well to short leashes.

So Doc, seeing you have never personally had to deal with abuse, (maybe you should.) you should study your charts more carefully or find another way to intentionally grow your customer base.

I just want to let you know that I am making my own adjustments and will only consult with you when I need a second opinion. See you in the spring.

Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

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