Days of Future Passed

 Pleaser puppet

If you are a sales rep, partner, associate, tech, trainer, manager or whatever like description you’ve been haplessly tagged with these days, you are, I hope, aware that someone in the rarefied air of your organization has been plotting your demise. For years. They’re just not smart enough to pull it off. Yet. That’s why God made consultants.

The consultant’s role is to provide a clue to these self absorbed spreadsheet analysts. For (big) money. To construct that kiddie slide to the street to un-ass you from the property. Then the day comes. It’s other worldly. You feel like you’re stepping outside of your body on the way to a room set up especially  for the event. Reams of documents, stacks of yet to be assembled cardboard boxes, tissues, people you’ve never seen before, HR and your manager (who, by the way, submitted your name) crying crocodile tears.

They don’t want you any more. Hadn’t thought of that little affront to your self confidence had you? They’re actually paying you money to get off the property…now! Like dating that fat, homely chick in accounts receivable because you felt bad for her and she dumps you. You! How can this be?

Fact: Most executives will pull out the pom poms on any new idea that will streamline the organization and fatten the coffers of the board. That is their job. That is what they’re supposed to do.Their first allegiance is to the board. Always! Like natural selection. Their goal isn’t to set up a philanthropic community center so we can fatten up our 401K and drive a mini-van. Once we realize that, we can move back into reality. No one owes you a job.

Now you might be thinking, shit, you give me a year’s pay and a couple of free cardboard boxes and I will get over myself in a New York minute. Not so fast, smart ass! You forgot one tiny detail. Your enormous outsized ego just took a huge hit even worse than having your hand fall asleep on you. And that 3 pounds of gray matter up there hasn’t been challenged in decades. Don’t let the door hit ‘ya where the Good Lord split ‘ya.

If the only skills you’ve been developing over the last ten years at work is how to make a great latte’ and repeat all the stats of last weekend’s games, you better sell your toilet seat, because your ass belongs to the dearly discarded.

If you aren’t marketing yourself using the vast array of digital options out there or looking into already enhancing your existing offering, you are waiting for a bus that will never come. And soon, your phone will soon be answered by someone in New Dehli. The digital revolution has taken another victim. Welcome to YOU Inc.



Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

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