Three Hours I’ll Never Get Back


I do a lot of small business marketing in this area. So naturally, word travels. I use video production, web savvy, writing and graphics capabilities to help these local businesses get on the map. It’s been a lot of fun and I haven’t had to endure much “pain by purchase order.” 90 to 120 days is not unusual for some outfits around here. No, thanks.

So this local bigshot gets wind of me and asks if I can come to his office for an interview. Today! I get there at 2:00 o’clock and he’s ready for me. In spades. He has all his employees lined up to meet me and has each one explain their function. In detail. An awful lot of information. I was hoping there wasn’t going to be a test afterwards.

He has five businesses all under the same roof. I can tell most of them are “ego buys”. This guy shoots first and never asks questions later. He went on and on about the potential of his businesses, then started peppering me about my availability. I told him about my plans to move west. He asks me if I can postpone if he makes me an offer. I say yes but I’m hedging my bet. Been down this road before. Could be a test. He asks me what I want for a salary.

I am no virgin, I know the first guy to name a price, loses. I put him off because I want to see what I might be getting into. I’m mostly packed and have already given my land lady my notice. He brings more people into his office. The pressure is on. He’s doing the hard sell about the future of the company, his personal plans, on and on. I change the subject because I think his mating habits might be up next.

At the three hour and ten minute mark, I tell him I have to get back. He follows me all the way out and down to my car with his hand on my shoulder. He asks if I will be available in the morning to take an offer by phone. I reply in the affirmative. He never called. That was last Wednesday, this is Sunday.

At my age, I don’t take shit. I don’t have to. I see this guy all the time around town. Is he retarded? After all that, I’m starting to think so. Maybe he just had a slow afternoon and wanted someone to come over so he can listen to himself talk.

There’s a lot about corporate America I don’t care for. This guy ain’t helping their image with me.

I am not above scandalizing an outfit if they screw me. Nobody does it better. There was a guy named “Robert” who works for a blood collection agency based in Florida, who put me through my paces for three weeks listening to himself talk. What a load of self-possessed bullshit this guy was. (is)

I used to work with him in a Pharma marketing outfit. He went from big pharma to big plasma. I thought he had the fertilizer market cornered back then, but I hoped he might have grown up over the years. Nope.

I bought plane tickets, shipped equipment, hired staff and blocked out a whole week for his annual meeting. The night before I was getting on a plane, he texted me that it was off. Just…off.

You can imagine my laundry lady’s response. He had to be kidding. Nope, he wasn’t. He never even ran it by his boss. The boss called him an idiot and put him on another project. But the fun didn’t stop there. They tried to get out of paying for my “out of pockets.” They started speaking another language. They nickel-dimed me to death. I’m still spitting.

I don’t think a judge would punish me for kicking one of these empty suits right square in the ass. After all, there’s nothing there anyway.


Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.