Plight of The Living Dead

Zombie business man

This might put a burr in a few saddles but I’ve never been known for my sensitivity on certain topics. A couple of times a year my wife starts to notice my eyes rolling back in their sockets and a foamy substance starts to accumulate in the corners of my mouth. So she automatically sends me packing to our second home in Cave Creek, Arizona, until the hair on my knuckles starts to recede. Smart lady. Being a creative producer can be challenging and maddening and I just never seem to know when to let up.The cost of loving what you do. No complaints here.

So, after being abducted then released at the airport check-in counter, I gave in to the realization that a change of venue was in order. The geographical cure. Surrender!

I’m a people watcher. It’s better than TV, especially at the airport. I had a late day flight so I got a chance to witness all the corporate zombies shuffling to their assigned gates after a day of grovelling and endless meetings in a distant city. I did this for 30 years so I have some idea from whence I speak. The loosened ties, the wrinkled suits, the pale, pasty look of the well worn business traveler. I did this before Xanax became part of your frequent flier program. I did it sober too. How I got a negative colonoscopy after all that, I’ll never know.

Once boarded, I sat next to a rep from a large pharmaceutical company and we chatted about life on the road and where the industry was headed. All benign stuff. After we took off, she pulled out her iPad and earphones and started to watch “American Hustle”. I couldn’t help but wonder what her life was like. She looked tired, her hair was very dry, and her nails were bitten down to the nub. Her shoes were worn and scuffed and she wore one of those indestructible pant suits that you could run over with a truck and hit with a flame thrower and it would come out unscathed.

After her third bottle of Chardonnay, she lapsed into a catatonic state and started to snore. Softly at first, then the volume went up, followed by those tell tale snarks. I mean, zonked! The volume in her earphones was so loud I had to resort to my Bose noise cancelers. She was out until we landed. She wasn’t sure if we were in Phoenix or Philly. Hey, they both begin with P, no biggie! And as long as you’re on a plane, drunk or sober, you’re workin’ right?

Something tells me we’re witnessing the end of a dying breed. The road warrior has turned into the half dead, foot dragging, sample closet filling, knee pad wearing representative of an organization that has been planning their demise for years. If you think 2008 was fun, wait until they create a digital rep than can out shoot, out shit and out shine anything with a pulse.

Oh, and they make their own doughnuts.




Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

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