Oh, you big baby!

Yes, you!

In my experience, lawyers and personal trainers are full of shit. Neither one of them will level with you if it doesn’t mean money in their pocket. Lawyers always tell you it’s worse than it seems to get your loot. Likewise, personal trainers can be an embarrassment.

This morning, I saw this female trainer who looks like she’s in her mid-fifties working the floor. Not in great shape. And I hardly ever see her with a client.

When I see her hanging around the front desk, I sometimes think she’s complaining about the lack of work. Another part of me thinks she’s related to the owner.

But I do think it’s great that older trainers get a bite at the apple. For obvious reasons, of course.

This morning, as she’s on a machine next to me, I can’t get the lever on the shoulder press to release so I ask her if she knows what the deal is.

I’ve never met her.

She’s on me like white on rice. She starts criticizing me like I’m a novice. She tells me I shouldn’t use that machine, I’m gonna trash my shoulders and throw myself out of balance.

I say thanks and try to back away.

She’ll have none of it. She reaches out, turns me sideways and tells me to drop my hands, then she pushes her fist into my low back. She stands back and says, “Oh my God, you must have no muscles in your back.”

I know that trick.

We’re drawing a crowd now and that’s just fine with her. She’s got me by my shoulders and is maneuvering me back and forth.

Then she starts rattling off all the rehab she could give me while she’s showing me the error of my ways, when Neal says, “He’s a personal trainer, ya know.”

She says, “Oh,” and walks away.

Like I was sayin’. 🙂

Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

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