I have a friend who I’ve worked with for over 25 years who is a marketing manager at a floundering medical imaging company up here in the north east. I just saw his profile on LinkedIn and he has a total of one, that’s 1, with a capital uno, connections on his profile. He’s still in his early sixties, and my thinking is, he’s going to hang on tooth an nail, come hell or high water.

If he does get the boot, he will have to be escorted off the property at gun point, or we’re looking at a possible hostage crisis. I love that guy but he needs to snort some Starbucks. Not that LinkedIn is any help but at least it shows you’re looking to play when the whip come down.

I don’t know what your LinkedIn feed looks like, but mine has turned into Animal Planet, National Geographic and helpful hints from HR managers on how to impress them at job interviews by doing everything except crawling under their desk. Their motto is: “Just be anyone but you.” Contortionists and shape shifters welcome.

I wonder sometimes why I even bother with LinkedIn, except to find out where someone in my sphere has moved, or all of a sudden turned into (Your Name Here) Consulting Group. All you’re really doing most of the time, is telling the world you are unemployed. But there is a guy that I’m linked to that clocks in about a half a dozen times a day with some pretty good information.

It’s not his original thinking, it’s links to articles that shows he’s got some skin in the game. So I check out his profile and it’s very impressive. He has a lot of experience in sales, marketing, HR and has a passion for “anything biotech” as he says. I like people like that.

So I send him a note and tell him he has a great story, a lot of drive and ask if he has a blog somewhere that I can subscribe to. I’m sure he’s a font of worthwhile information, wisdom and experience. His response set me back on my heels. Not only did he not have a blog or a web page but he had no earthly idea what he would even write about.

News flash! These are different times. Diogenes ain’t gonna come ringing your doorbell with a lamp looking for an honest man. Put up or shut up or get under that HR guy’s desk with the rest of them. No one is looking for you. No one is waiting for you to show up at their reception desk. Uploading your resume is like farting in a wind storm.

The only job “openings” are the people interviewing you. You are just a way to kill a morning. Interview is a relative term. These people get paid to torture you for a full or half day.

One of those cruelest techniques I’ve seen is to give you a full, excruciating, in depth, mostly mind boggling, tour of the facility first, then take you to lunch (on the company dime) and then when you are worn out, the interview goes south in the first ten minutes because they never even asked you any pertinent questions. While you’re fighting for consciousness, they tell you they will be in touch then walk you to the elevator.

Like a guided tour of Disney Land, this guy has done this hundreds of times. They already got most of what they want to know about you from Google.

Look, if you know how to do something, anything, that isn’t company specific, meaning it’s transferable and valuable, then get savvy and start pimping yourself off.

Be the Lone Ranger without the Tonto. Start massaging your skill set into an offering that will help you sustain life here on planet earth. The womb to the tomb just left the room.

Be out standing in your field!

If you have any questions or need advice, please feel free to reach out to me here.

Bob O’Hearn
508-517-6714
bob@doubleocreative.com