Corporate America: Things I don’t miss.

Long board (bored) meetings.
Cluttered, endless, powerpoint.
Monotone speakers who keep saying how excited they are.
Speakers who jingle their change louder than they speak.
Loose chairs that tip all the way back when you nod off.
Clocks that don’t move.
CEO small talk.
Wearing underwear.
Packed agendas – Worse when they warn you up front.
Human resources – Being their sexual harassment poster boy was a lot of work.
Performance reviews – From some guy with shiny pants who couldn’t carry my jock.
That little asshole across from me that understands everything, all the time.
Trade shows – My feet started hurting while I was typing this.
National Sales Meetings – I always wondered what company I was working for on the ride home.
District meetings -They’re too small, no place to hide.
Town Hall Meetings – When you haven’t had a good night’s sleep? Hell!
Company cookouts – You mean I have to eat with them too?
Trumped up awards with endless verbiage. I used to shit confetti for a week.
In-house personnel ride-a longs. They hated being in the trunk.
That psycho-bitch product manager who could rip your manhood off and eat it right in front of you. Die! Die!

Please note: I welcome comments that are offensive, illogical or off-topic from readers in all states of consciousness.

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